Marcus Aurelius' 12 Rules To Live A Better Life

Marcus Aurelius never claimed to be a stoic. If you look in his famous meditations, one of the greatest books ever written, nowhere [music] in here does Marcus Aurelius claim to be a stoic philosopher. And Gregory Hayes, who is perhaps Marcus [music] Reelis's greatest translator, says that Marcus identifies more as a philosopher [music] than as a stoic. And Hayes says that that for Marxist, philosophy was is not merely a subject to write or argue about, but one that was expected to provide a design for living. He says it was a set of rules to live one's life by. So what were those rules? What did philosophy do for Marcus Aurelius? That's what I want to talk about in today's daily stoic video. Some rules, some lessons from Marcus Aurelius, from the Stoics, from philosophy that could help us live a better life. One of my favorite stories about Marxis comes in the depths of the Antonine plague, which is a horrible time in Roman history. It's this pandemic that overwhelms Rome. It kills millions and millions of people. It lasts years and years and years. It [music] devastates the economy. The streets are filled with bodies. And Marcus Aurelius holds a sale on the lawn of the Imperial [music] Palace where he sells off his most valuable possessions. He sells jewels and goblets. He he even sells, we're told, some of his wife's [music] fineries. He's doing this to to send a message that first off, my needs don't come before [music] the people. Like, I don't need these fancy things when when people are suffering, when people are struggling, and that I'm going to take the hit first, which is what [music] great leaders do, right? The CEO takes a pay cut during a dip in the economy, doesn't lay people off, right? A a great athlete renegotiates their contract so the team can bring on new players. A leader has to be willing to sacrifice and signal commitment. [music] It has to put other people ahead of themselves. Right? In the Marines, they talk about how leaders eat [music] last. That's what greatness is. Rank has some privileges, but it also has obligations and [music] responsibilities. One of the things we know is that Marcus didn't particularly enjoy being emperor. It's not a job he would have chosen. It's not a job that he did choose, but once he was in it, he chose not to complain. This is something he says in meditations. He says, "Don't be overheard complaining at court, not even to yourself." None of our situations are ideal. We don't like everything about them. There are things we're frustrated about that we wish were better, and we can seek to change them. We can have very real reasons for being dissatisfied by them. But complaining and whining and throwing ourselves a pity party, who and what does that serve? So Marcus was saying like, "Look, this is the role you were assigned in life. This is what you have to put up with. So put up with it. Make the best of it. Get [music] to work. Don't waste time complaining." My absolute favorite question in meditations is where Marcus Aurelia says, "Ask yourself, is what you're doing essential?" And he says, "Cuz so much of what we do and say is not essential." And his point wasn't just elimination, right? He's saying that when we eliminate these inessential things, what we get is the double benefit of doing those essential things better. So this is about putting more wood behind fewer arrows as the expression goes. This is about eliminating the extraneous, the irrelevant, the inefficient, all of that so you can do the important things that [music] actually do matter even better. This decision to double down on the things that really are moving the needle, that are important, that are worth doing, that are in your control. This is one of the fundamental lessons from Marxis. I said that I had a favorite question in meditations, but but I actually have a close second. Marcus Shu says, "Ask yourself, am I afraid of death because I won't be able to do this anymore?" And that this that's the operative thing, right? It's a litmus test [music] for activities we should and shouldn't be doing, right? About remember that idea about is this essential? Is it not essential? Is this one of the things that you want to live a long time to be able to keep doing? If it is, then you should do it. If it isn't, you should ask yourself why are you spending the limited time that you do have, this present moment that you do have for certain, why are you spending [music] it on this thing? People in the abstract want to live a long time and then you look at how they spend their days and it's [music] on some of the dumbest imaginable, right? They spend it gossiping. They spend it complaining. They spend [music] it working a job they don't like. They spend it putting up with people they [music] don't like. And and this is crazy. Is this the kind of thing that is worth being alive for? That is an incredibly powerful test. [music] You do not want to live longer so you can spend more time on Twitter. You do not want to live longer so you can spend more time, I don't know, pricing out [music] uh the best deal on some silly item at the grocery store. You don't want to spend more time on email. [music] You don't want to spend more time nursing grievances or complaints, right? That's not what you're put here for in the light of your own mortality. [music] Right? The stoic idea of momento mori. The significance of those things would fall away and the starkness of the choice in front of you would become much clearer. I've talked a bunch about getting up early, the power of getting up, getting after it in the morning. But make no mistake, I think sleep is super super important. Not just what time you go to bed, but how you sleep. And a big part of my sleep routine is my aid sleep. I love it. My wife loves it. You can have different sides cool at different temperatures. [music] It's even how I wake up in the morning. Instead of an annoying alarm clock or that, you know, horrible sound on your phone, it lightly buzzes you awake. And then when you're up, you want to turn it off, you just tap the mattress. There's all sorts of awesome features in my sleep. It was [music] worth every penny. I love it. You can use the code daily stoic at eight.com/daily stoic [music] right now for up to $500 off. And this Fourth of July sale ends on [music] July 12th. So don't wait. And if you have an HSA or an FSA, some EightLe stuff qualifies for that as well through TrueMed. And qualified customers save about 30% on average. Check your eligibility at truemed.com/adslee [music] before you buy. True is for qualified customers. HSA and FSA tax savings may vary. [music] People did horrible things to Marcus Realist. They they slandered him. They insulted him. They insulted his family. In in in other instances, they lied to him. They tried to steal from him. They even tried to kill him. But he said, you know, when when people injure you, when when people hurt you, he says you should feel sympathy rather than outrage or anger. He says you should think about when you have done that in their position. He says you should think about what they think about what they're doing. Right? Do they think that what they're doing is wrong? This would go back to an idea from Socrates that very few people do evil on purpose. And in fact, most of the time they think they're doing the right [music] thing. And so Markx realist is is saying like look, they're either doing this cuz they think it's the right thing and they're right or they're doing it because they think it's the right thing [music] and they're misguided in which case we should be patient and try to teach them. And so [music] this idea of being sympathetic, being empathetic rather than righteously indignant or fighting back, this is I think the essence of how Marcus Aurelius tried to live. And he tried to live this way because he was [music] powerful and important. And he understood that there was a fundamental mismatch between him and most people. So he tried to give them grace. He tried to practice that clemency that Senica writes a famous essay about [music] because he thought that that redounded positively on him as a leader. There's no question that Marcus Aurelius had a lot of discipline, but I think it's important to distinguish discipline from self-discipline. Marcus Aurelius [music] was strict with himself, but as he says in meditations, he tried to be tolerant with others. And this is [music] really important when you have high personal standards. It's easy to expect that from other people, to presume that other people have the same standards, [music] that other people are capable of the same standards, that people are even aware that this is the standard. And that's not only not true, it is a recipe for bitterness and resentment and frustration. Right? Again, [music] Marcus tried to give people grace. He tried to be patient with them, tried to understand where they were coming from. He did not try to hold them to the standards that he held himself [music] to because they didn't sign up for that. they weren't trained in philosophy the same way he was. They didn't have the advantages that he did. Maybe they didn't have the same expectations or or even the same training that he did. And so we have to think about this. We have to think about treating people with kindness and patience. One of Marcus Aurelius's biographers, the [music] the French Ernest Renan says that the the consequence of all of Marcus Aurelius's austere philosophy, this this could have made him stiff and it could have made him severe, but instead that the true nature of Marcus is revealed in the fact that he said that his severity was confined only to [music] himself. Lincoln had this kind of greatness. A lot of great athletes don't, right? Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant. These were really bad teammates for the most part because they expected the impossible from other people. And this often led to them using grinding other people down. It's just a great lesson that that that this really powerful self-disciplined person was willing to be patient and tolerant and get the best out of others not through strictness, but [music] with kindness and support. Perhaps Marcus is capable of doing this because for all his severity and strength, he [music] understood that he had weaknesses and vulnerability and he wasn't afraid to ask for help. That's one of my favorite passages in meditations. He says [music] uh we are like a soldier storming a wall. He says if we fall and we have to reach and ask a comrade for help, he says so what. I just love that. He's just so what if you have to ask for help? That doesn't make you weak. That doesn't make you pathetic. That doesn't make you dead weight. And in fact, a soldier who doesn't [music] ask for help, right? Who would just lay there and not try to get back into the fight to not draw on their comrade is actually sherking their duty. I love this kid's book, uh, The Boy, the Fox, the horse, and the mole. And there's this great line in the book where it says, you know, asking for help isn't giving up. Asking for help is refusing to give up. And that's what Marcus Aurelius is doing. We don't know what other people are going through. Also, a lot of times they don't know what we're going through. And the decision to ask for help is actually courageous and brave and requires a no small amount of discipline and strength. One of the problems with with being creative, having a good imagination, sort of knowing how things work or how they can go is that this skill can be used against you. all of a sudden you're extrapolating, you're catastrophizing, you're torturing yourself with all these possibilities. There's a great line I heard once that that anxiety is a bad use of your creativity, right? And and Mark Swiss actually talks about that in meditations. He says you can't imagine everything bad that's going to happen. He said you can't let yourself be crushed by all the possibilities. He says you have to stick with the situation at hand. This is really important. Being present isn't just this kind of like woo woo zen thing. It's also the decision as Markx really says to concentrate on what's in front of you like a Roman to do the task in front of you. To be content to do your best there and detach a little bit from results, not worry about whether people are going to like you, whether it's going to succeed, what the probability of success is, what mean things people could say about it, how catastrophic failure could be. No, no, no. I'm going to do what's in front of me. I'm going to just put one foot in front of the other. I'm going to focus on doing the next right thing, and that's where I'm going to leave it. That's how you get things done. That's also how you get through really tough times. Look, Marcus really could do whatever he wanted. He could retreat to his palace. He could keep weird hours. He could not work hard. And we know that that's what a lot of the emperors did, right? Tiberius retreats to this palace. A lot of the emperors [music] were parters and cooks and and weirdos. But Marcus Aurelius, I think taking from the example of Antonyinus works consistently. He works hard and and he does it within the confines [music] of a normal day. He gets up early, does what he needs to do. He gets after it, right? One of the powerful passages in meditations is is him kind of struggling with this though, right? He's like, "It's early, it's cold. Do I want to get up?" And he says, "Look, you're not put here to huddle under the covers and stay warm. You have duties. You have responsibilities." And and this isn't busy [music] work that he's talking about. He's talking about making a positive difference, right? Being a good leader, that people depend [music] on him. And that's true for all of us. He sometimes had trouble sleeping. He may have been a bit of an insomniac. I know he had some health issues, but he had the discipline to get up and get after it every day, which we should [music] too. And again, this is the self-discipline. Nobody's making you do it. You don't have to do it, but you do it because you know it's good for you and the world. [music] Perhaps one of the reasons that Marcus is [music] able to be tolerant and sympathetic to other people is that although he was an idealist, he was also a realist. He was also a pragmatist. So often people who have high standards, people who are idealistic are also a bit naive. And sometimes that naive works against them. Marxist reminds himself [music] like, "Look, dude, you don't live in Plato's Republic. You live in Rome. You live in the real world, man. And it's filled with flawed people. It's filled with all the things that have happened historically that will happen for all time. You got to understand that, right? This is a problem that Ko had. Cicero, who was friends with Ko, said, you know, Cicero believed [music] that he lived in Plato's Republic. And he said he forgot that he lived in the dregs of Romulus. And and Marcus was aware that he lived in the dregs of Romulus. He he knew that for for all the power and glory that was Rome, it was a dark, dysfunctional, insane, even deranged place. And so he was willing to to take what he could, to accept what he could, to find the good, but not necessarily expect it all the time. And I think this is really important, right? Marcus said, "You got to be satisfied with the smallest bit of progress." He says, "If there's brambles in the path, go around. If the food is bitter, throw it out. Don't expect Plato's Republic. Lower your expectations. Be pleasantly surprised when things are good, and you'll have a much better go of it. >> [music] >> For for all his power, Marcus Aurelius was like all of us, powerless. Powerless over [music] the weather, powerless over the health of his children, powerless over many world events, powerless [music] over what people said about him, powerless over gravity, powerless over more things than [music] he had power over. And and one of the things he struggled with as a result, as we all do, is anxiety. Is this going to happen? Is that going to happen? Is it going to be good? Is it going to be bad? Right? the the the things that we're that stress us [music] all out and and one of the things that Mark Cerillius realizes is that all of the things that make him anxious have something in common. And that thing was him. And it's true for us. All the things that make us anxious [music] have us in common. So when he talks on a good day about escaping his anxiety, he actually corrects [music] himself in meditations. He says, "Wait, no, no, no. I discarded the anxiety cuz it wasn't from out there. It wasn't something people were doing to me. It's in here. I'm responsible [music] for my anxiety. I'm the source of the stress. and therefore I have the power to let it go. Now, of course, this is easy to say, hard to do, but it is an important distinction. The airport is not why you're anxious. Airport is just a place like any other place. It's your desire [music] to to get your flight on time. It's your worry about this or that. It's the unfamiliarity with it's all these things that you are bringing [music] to the airport. And so to tell yourself, I don't have to be anxious here. I don't have to worry about those [music] things. These things are not making it any more likely that what I want to happen will happen or what I don't want to happen won't happen. So, I'm going [music] to discard it. I'm going to let it go. And if this strategy worked for the emperor of Rome 2,000 years ago, I think it'll work for you, too. And I thought [music] one final thought from Marcus Aurelius, and it's actually on the back of the addition we make for Daily Stoic, is is a sort of perfect lesson to end this video with. Marcus Curelius says, "Concentrate on what you have to do. Fix your eyes on it. [music] Remind yourself that your task is to be a good human being. Remind yourself what nature demands of people and do it, he says, without hesitation and speak the truth as you see it, but with kindness, with humility, [music] without hypocrisy.