Video summary
Dr. Allan Schore, a clinician and psychoanalyst at UCLA, explains on Huberman Lab how relationships fundamentally shape brain development through right-brain dynamics rather than conscious thought. He posits that approximately 90% to 95% of human motivation is governed by the unconscious mind, which he identifies with the right hemisphere. During the first two years of life—a period known as the "human brain growth spurt"—the infant's right hemisphere dominates while speech and left-brain functions are not yet fully developed. In this critical window, attachment forms through implicit, non-verbal interactions where a primary caregiver regulates the baby's emotional arousal via face-to-face resonance involving visual, auditory, tactile, and gestural cues. This process establishes strategies for affect regulation that persist throughout adulthood; if these early regulatory mechanisms fail to develop securely, insecure attachment styles such as avoidant or anxious patterns emerge. The conversation highlights a shift in psychological understanding from focusing solely on cognition and behavior to recognizing the neurobiology of emotion. Schore distinguishes between "quiet love," which involves downregulating negative arousal states like fear or shame using parasympathetic mechanisms, and "excited love," which upregulates positive states such as joy and enthusiasm via noradrenaline and dopamine pathways. A secure attachment requires the ability to integrate both positive and negative emotions; without this integration, individuals may resort to "splitting"—a defense mechanism seen in borderline personality disorder where a person oscillates between idealizing someone ("all good") and devaluing them ("all bad"). This splitting occurs when the right brain cannot hold contradictory emotional states simultaneously. Furthermore, Schore notes that early memories are stored in subcortical structures like the amygdala and insula within the right hemisphere, meaning that high maternal stress during pregnancy or infancy can physically alter these developing circuits via hormones like cortisol. To repair or strengthen right-brain circuitry later in life without a therapist, Dr. Schore suggests engaging in activities that foster "wide range attention" rather than narrow focus. He recommends walking in nature with panoramic vision, listening to music, and pursuing creative endeavors such as painting or playing an instrument, which help bypass the logical left brain and access intuitive right-brain processing. These practices encourage curiosity about novel experiences—such as traveling or learning new skills—which stimulate neuroplasticity by introducing fresh challenges that require emotional engagement rather than just memorization. Schore emphasizes that while cognitive techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) have their place, long-term personality change relies on the therapeutic relationship itself and the capacity to share affective moments with trusted others who can provide feedback on blind spots in one's own psychology. Schore concludes by addressing societal structures regarding parenting time, noting that many cultures offer extended parental leave—up to six months for mothers and three for fathers—to allow parents to navigate this critical developmental period without returning to work too early. He cites a study from the London School of Economics indicating that emotion regulation is the single best predictor of adult life satisfaction, surpassing conduct issues and IQ in importance. Currently, society often prioritizes executive functions like memory and logic over emotional development, effectively treating children as "memorizing computers" rather than nurturing their foundational right-brain capacities for empathy and connection. Ultimately, Schore argues that maximizing human potential requires shifting cultural focus toward the earliest years of life to ensure healthy interactive regulation between caregivers and infants, laying a robust foundation for mental health across the lifespan.
Read the full video transcript
welcome to the huberman Lab podcast
where we discuss science and
science-based tools for everyday
[Music]
life I'm Andrew huberman and I'm a
professor of neurobiology and
Opthalmology at Stanford School of
Medicine my guest today is Dr Alan Shaw
Dr Alan Shaw is a clinician
psychoanalyst and he is the world expert
in how childhood attachment patterns
impact our adult relationships including
romantic relationships friendships and
professional relationships as well as
our relationship to ourselves Dr sh is
on the faculty in the department of
Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at
the University of California Los Angeles
School of Medicine he is also the author
of several important books including
right brain Psychotherapy and
development of the unconscious mind
today's discussion with Dr Shaw is an
extremely important one for everyone to
hear to understand themselves and to
understand the people in their lives why
well we all go through the first 24
months of age you wouldn't be listening
to this if you hadn't and during that
first 24 months of age your brain
develops in a particular way depending
on how you interacted with your primary
caretaker namely your mother but also
your father or other primary caretakers
in that first 24 months your right brain
and your left brain mediate very
specific but different processes for
instance today you'll learn from Dr
Shore that your right brain circuitry
that is Pacific circuitries on the right
hand side of your brain are involved in
developing a very specific type of
resonance with your primary caretaker
that transitions from states of calm and
quiessence that you both share
simultaneously to states that are
considered up states of excitement of
enthusiasm of being wide-eyed and the
transitioning back and forth between
those States as Dr Shaw explains is
critical to our emotional development
and how we form attachments later so if
you've heard for instance of avoidant
attachment or or anxious attachment or
secure attachment today you'll
understand why those particular
attachment Styles develop how they
translate from early life to your
adolescence teen years and adulthood and
in fact how those childhood attachment
patterns which of course we can't
control for ourselves but we can control
for our children how we can modify them
through very specific protocols in order
to achieve better relations with both
others and with ourselves it's indeed a
very special conversation and to my
knowledge unlike any other discussion
about relationships Neuroscience or
psychology that certainly I have heard
before and I fully expect that for you
it will be as well before we begin I'd
like to emphasize that this podcast is
separate from my teaching and research
roles at Stanford it is however part of
my desire and effort to bring zero cost
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huberman and now for my discussion with
Dr Allan Shaw Dr Alan Shaw welcome nice
to be here to kick things off I have a
simple question which is what percentage
of our thinking and our Behavior do you
think is governed by our conscious mind
versus our unconscious mind you
understand that I was trained in
psychoanalysis and I'm a psychodynamic
psychotherapist in addition to a
scientist neuroscientist so the
unconscious has been something that I
have been aware of and have been writing
about and it's a central part of what
I'm writing about to this day
essentially as we're going to see I'm
suggesting that the right brain is the
unconscious mind so when you ask what
how much of things really are conscious
and how much are UNC conscious I'm also
looking at that neurobiologically in
terms of how much of activity is going
on in the right brain the right brain is
always processing information always
especially emotional information at
levels beneath conscious awareness
especially when you're in in in an
emotional interaction so how much really
are things that conscious I would say
that when it comes to the basic
motivations of why we do what we do 95
to 90% of that is is unconscious and
there has been data to show that that is
the case that most although we think
that our conscious mind literally is
making all of these decisions underneath
at at all points in time the unconscious
is operating used to be thought that the
unconscious only comes forth in dreams
at night well we now know that this
right brain is reading unconscious
Communications between us Communications
is it safe to be with you do you
understand what I'm saying really the
critical ones always operating and much
more important than we had thought
itself let's start thinking about and
talking about this right brain versus
left brain thing and what I'd like to
know is when we come into this
world how much lateralization as we call
it um how much right versus left brain
specialization is there at the time when
we exit the womb when we take our first
breath the answer to that is is is
pretty clear at this point in time and
incidentally some of these questions
about the unconscious are provided by
neurobiology but essentially here's what
we know there was discoveries that were
being made in the 80s and the 90s about
the human brain growth spurt the human
brain growth spurt occurs from the last
trimester of pregnancy through the
second until the third year of Life all
of that time is a period of right
hemisphere
dominance and actually there have been
six major studies in Neuroscience
Laboratories around the world that have
shown that the right hemisphere is
dominant during that period of time in
fact there recent study in Mexico where
they looked at 2 to 3 months 6 to 8
months 9 to 12 months at each point in
time they noticed that the right
hemisphere was accelerating its growth
the left was not so the right is
dominant very early in fact there's
evidence to to show that even in utero
there is a right lateralization now
remember the
lateralization is part of all systems
and what is lateralized is not only the
cortical areas but the subcortical areas
Etc so if you take let's say the amydala
there's a difference between the right
amigdala and the left amydala and again
the the right hemisphere so the answer
to that is very clearly now the left
hemisphere does not come into a growth
spurt until the end of the SE second
year and into the third year up until
that point which means everything about
attachment is about right brain Dynamics
does that mean that everything about
attachment is occurring in the first you
know uh 24 months yes absolutely and
it's occurring during that brain growth
spurt while the right hemisphere so
essentially what you have now is that in
the baby's brain that baby's brain is
now in a right brain growth spurt and
the mother now is shaping that baby's
right brain through the attachment
mechanism through her regulation of that
brain so she helped shaping that brain
For Better or For Worse and incidentally
that means also not only secure
attachments but also the matter because
it's for better or worse it's also the
early evolution of insecure attachments
and we'll talk about what those insecure
attach all of those really are being
shaped by the right what's more there's
evidence to show that it goes right
hemisphere then it goes left hemisphere
and then it goes back into left and back
and right along the along the lifespan
so although you have a tremendous growth
spur more than any other time in the
first two two and a half three years of
life think now about adolescence where
you have another growth spurt is
adolescence marked by a right brain
growth spurt it's marked by the
initially right and then it goes
left so essentially with puberty and
with the onset of testosterone and and
androgens and estrogens it shifts now
into another growth Spirit at that point
in time uh which means just for the
record now the attachment relationship
which is essentially going to be about
how we regulate our emotion because I'll
be talking about attachment is about the
communication of emotions right brain to
right brain in the first two years of
life and about the regulation of
emotions in that same period of time Etc
but ultimately that leads to the
strategies that we have for aect
regulation for a an attachment is
essentially aect regulation affc
communication and affect regulation so
now what you're looking at if you have a
mother and an infant they are
communicating with each other right
brain to right brain and how are they
doing it by face voice and gesture the
mother is now reading the expressions of
the baby's face the visual the
auditory the pro of the voice and then
the tactiles so she's picking up these
kinds of communications that are coming
out of that baby tactile gestural Visual
and she's now picking up those
Communications now she's resonating with
those
Communications and then she is going to
regulate those Communications and that's
essentially what it's about in the end
what we have is strategies of affect
regulation how we regulate affect for
the rest of our lives depends upon the
attachment relationship of the first two
years which is a right brain to right
brain connection now there have been
hundreds thousands of studies on
attachment as you're well aware of at
this point in time but the key to it
literally I be I began this in 1994 with
my first book a regulation and the
origin of the self the neurobiology of
emotional
development
okay remember BBY was studying
attachment in the 60s but the problem of
emotion really was not picked up and
early on when they were looking at
attachment they were looking at
behaviors and they were looking at
cognition so if you know the attachment
literature remember the strange
situation yeah just to remind listeners
I've talked about this on previous
podcast I'll provide a link to that
segment but a strange situation can
briefly be described as parent and uh
usually mother and child come into the
clinic um they deliberately leave the
baby with a caretaker um this is sort of
a pseudo daycare type situation mother
leaves and then there's a lot of
attention paid to how the infant or
young child toddler whatever age they
were looking at reacts are they nervous
are they able to engage in play um and
then they look at the return of the
mother and how they react to that and
there was this classification of
behaviors along the lines of um secure
attached insecure attached um there was
a uh a categorization of kind of uh an
amalgam of different things these
so-called dbab that were uh kind of um a
bunch of other things and this is where
um we hear a lot nowadays about uh
secure insecure and anxious and avoidant
uh adult relationship Styles there's
been a lot written about that and talked
about that uh we don't have time to go
into all that in detail but this is what
Dr sha is referring to I'm really
intrigued by this idea that there's a
right brain left brain uh dominance that
takes place throughout the lifespan and
has it been carefully mapped into
adulthood such that we can say as a
function of chronological age um you
know when somebody hits their early 30s
that they're more right brain or left
brain dominant or is it more um
developmental Milestones as opposed to
chronological age I think it's
developmental Milestones there you know
I'm thinking uh that um remember Eric
Ericson talking about different stages
of life and how you have a high Roy here
literally because the attachment is a
hierarchy it starts subcortical and then
it goes to cortical so so what he said
was that there are changes along the
line and that um it it it fits with that
so the attaching relationship is there
at later points in time and really what
it does it guides us through our
relationships with other people it
certainly guides us through strategies
of what to do with
stress and that way that we deal with
that stress is now going to depend upon
how the mother is regulating that baby
stress during a CR itical period now the
the term critical period is a CR is an
important one here too because again at
at the first two years of life it's the
right brain is is in that critical
period there but that leads to
strategies of aect regulation of how we
deal with stress but also how we deal
with novel situations and again all of
it has to do with emotion now I jumped
there because I I talked about there was
attachment models move from Behavior
to uh cognition to emotion and
essentially the first book that I wrote
was on the neurobiology of emotional
development and in 1994 when I came out
with that book that was about the same
time that Antonio damasio came out with
his book and really it was not until the
mid90s partly because of the neural
Imaging which was coming during you
remember the decade of the brain that uh
emotion really now became a matter that
science Wasing looking at for the first
time the point that I'm making here is
that attachment is not psychological
it's
psychobiological and there was always
this Rift between the psychological and
the biological but when you're talking
about emotions you're not only talking
about psychological events you're
talking about physiological events that
are associated with those events for
example the physiology of the stress
response a physiology of the sympathetic
nervous system which is energy expending
and the parasympathetic nervous system
which is energy conserving so the mother
is a regulator of that and the way that
she is a regulator of that baby is that
she's tracking that baby's arousal
levels she's tracking that baby's
emotions as they change in time moment
to moment and then she's synchronizing
with that and that allows her now to be
able to regulate it so we're going from
the recognizing that baby's emotions
synchronizing with those emotions and
then being an aect regulator so the
mother who is securely attached now is a
good affect regulator of that baby she
not only is an affect regulator of the
negative states of the baby because
negative States and negative aects are
adaptive by definition baby cries mother
nurses baby and there that's a signal
she sending there literally and the
mother then intuitively knows
intuitively knows she's not using her
left brain to figure out what to do with
that baby she's doing it intuitively and
intuition is a right brain function and
she's regulating that baby implicitly
now let's go back over implicit to
explicit okay you're seeing a lot now
about the shift from explicit to
implicit something that is implicit goes
on at levels beneath awareness so when
she is intuitively knowing what to do
that right now this baby is is down
regulating too much and she wants to
bring that baby up should now use her
tone of voice literally to raise that
baby up into a more excited state or if
the baby is
disregulated sympathetic hyperarousal
she knows how to downregulate that and
she'll downregulate that by her facial
expression by the tone of her voice now
now her tone of her voice is now trying
to soften and to quiet down so Essen
what attachment is is the regulator of
arousal of emotional arousal and that
emotional arousal also includes the
autonomic nervous system so what we have
here is the regulation attachment of the
lyic system the emotion processing lyic
system positive and negative and the
autonomic nervous system so they are
limbic autonomic circuits and those
circuits are in the right brain
now on this
matter as it turns out the right
brain has a control system of attachment
now since the right brain is there first
before the left because there's no
speech at two years she's regulating
this baby at two months 6 months 12
months all of it is occurring non-verbal
she's doing this implicitly not
explicitly the left hemisphere processes
explicit
stimuli conscious stimuli rational
stimuli that's not there everything is
being done
implicitly beneath levels of awareness
and uh again that allows it to be the
regulation so attachment Theory my
attachment Theory regulation theory is
essentially attachment is interactive
regulation Stay With Me Now ultimately
what we have
are two forms of of of Regulation what
we're doing is we're regulating the self
right you I mean it's it's the
subjective self which is in the right
hemisphere the left is objective self
the left is verbal conscious she's
regulating the right Hemisphere and
she's doing that again by tracking the
baby's emotional states as I said but
but again what the child learns now from
that is that her right brain is becoming
more and more complex from the first
year to the second year and it's going
to turn out some of these functions that
are more
complex are being also stimulated by the
mother and ultimately by the end of the
second year that baby can regulate its
emotional states by
itself in its right brain
but we have two forms of Regulation you
can regulate your states by Auto
regulation by yourself in other words
you're not with other human beings at
this point in time you have a an
efficient right brain which can regulate
and incidentally what we're talking
about here is the regulation of the
amydala by the right orbital frontal
cortex the right orbital frontal CX is
the highest level of the right
hemisphere it's also has the most
sophistic ated and the latest evolving
parts of the brain are in the right
frontal cortex not the
left the right orbital
frontal not the left dorsal lateral
cortex is the key to this so what we
learn from attachment here again is how
to both in a secure attachment how to
auto regulate your emotions when you're
apart from people in other words you go
to a quiet place at this point in time
you're regulating yourself down so to
speak and you're getting nice regulation
of the amydala by the right overal front
cortex or interactive
regulation which is now you go to
another human
being we go to another human being under
times of
stress in an optimal situation we also
go to another human being to share Joy
States and remember I said that the
mother is upregulating Joy States and
down regulating negative States so in a
secure attack
you have somebody now who can do
both in certain forms of insecure
attachment that's not going to happen
the avoidant
attachment is always autoregulating his
States so uh just so I'm
clear in avoidant attachment the baby
which is now let's say 2 and a half
years old um three years old that's
already a toddler that's a toddler
excuse me um the toddler is auto
regulating more often than seeking
another to help uh sort of do
coordinated regulation yeah what I'm
what I'm saying is a secure attachment
and and let's s of only backup step on
that the key to
attachment is psychobiological
Attunement you know the phrase notice
psychobiological Attunement that the
mother is regulating not only the
psychological aspect but literally is as
regulating the physiological aspect of
that which means that she's regulating
the autonomic nervous system think about
porous social engagement system what we
have here is the capacity by insecure
attachment who have and then the second
part of the the attachment is repair now
let me go
back psychobiological Attunement
sometimes she Mis attunes sometimes she
misreads the baby States for one reason
or
another what happen in a good enough
caregiving is that the mother who has
Mis
attuned now re returns to that baby now
resynchronizes with that baby now
reconnects right brains to right brains
with that baby and that repair is a key
here you have misattunement and repair
so the key to a secure attachment is not
only psychobiological Attunement but
it's also also the repair of the
misattunement and it that allows the
baby now to EXP understand that
situation and being able to use that now
to order a
case that's a secure but if she misat
tunes for example and doesn't repair
let's say or she's not that good at
psychobiological attuning let's say as
an avoidant mother because avoidant
personalities are uncomfortable with
real closeness another term for an
avoidant personality is a dismissive
personality and what they they are
dismissing is the need for interactive
regulation so they're always Auto
regulating it or you have another time
in which you have another form of
attachment an insecure anxious
attachment where that
person is always interactively
regulating or is always going to others
to help them regulate but can't Auto
regulate I think this is a really
important thing to hover on for a moment
just um given some context about um
hundreds of thousands of questions that
I get about avoidant versus secure
versus uh anxious attach and and you
stated it all incredibly clearly but I
want to make sure that we uh double
click on this as they say um the idea
that if a child and mother did not
coordinate their um autonomic the word
synchronize synchronize um did not
synchronize their autonomic regulation
in the proper way that there would be a
non in Secure attachment I'm using that
language for a specific reason um makes
total sense but this idea that if the
child which soon the baby which is a
toddler at three or so um is avoidant
then they're going to have to learn to
Auto regulate and they're going to seek
others to help them regulate less than a
secure attached and the anxious
attached baby toddler adolescent adult
will do just the the opposite they're
going to have a hard time self soothing
but they are going to feel let's say
these might be the kind of people that
don't well tolerate um a text message
not getting responded to at a very short
latency for instance and we all and we
all yes depending on context we have
this right but um I find this to be
incredibly important which is why I
wanted to go back through it because I
think nowadays we hear so much about
anxious and securely attached avoiding
Etc in the of adult romantic
relationships but I hope that people are
realizing the truly incredible
importance of your work which is that
the same circuitry and mechanisms that
are used to establish infant mother
attachment are repurposed later in life
for adult relationships I I think that
when we hear that it makes sense but I
don't think that most people know that
they assume somehow that there's
circuitry in our brain and body for
adult romantic attack M that is distinct
from our attachment circuitry that we
had with our parent and I think your
work speaks very loudly um that they are
in fact the exact same all of this is
happening in the right brain all of it
and incidentally attachment relationship
is retained as an autobiographical
memory in the first two years of life
even before there's a left hemisphere
and that under later stress situation
that will be the key there incidentally
the attachment whether it's secure or
insecure is also the key to positive and
negative transferences that's where it's
communicated um let me go back and say a
little bit more about one other form of
attachment and that you mentioned the
type D attachment the the D babies dis
disorganized babies so you have secure
you have two types of organized
insecurely avoiding and the anxious and
then you have a disorganized disoriented
one now ultimately
that person under stress is not able to
Auto regulate or to interact
regulate so what they will do at that
point now now I'm now thinking about
let's say PTSD various uh borderline
personality disorder that person now
literally can't go to the other for
order regulation or inative regulation
that person now will use a a defense
literally to shut down the ATT
attachment system and that's exactly
what dissociation
is dissociation just shuts down the
attachment so in the anxious attachment
you have a continual activation of the
attachment system which means a
continual activation of the right
hemisphere all of the time and in the
insecure dismissive attachment you have
a deactivation of the attachment system
which would be a deactivation of the
right brain so in the end a secure
attachment is an efficient one but it's
an efficient one that can switch back
and forth between that not only that it
also at a later point in time when the
left comes online it can also
communicate much better with the left
hemisphere that you know then without
that regulation theory is essentially a
theory of the development of the self in
an optimal situation but it also talks
about the psychopath ogenesis of the
self the early origins of psychiatric
disorders and personality disorders and
I'm thinking about not only
schizophrenia and depression but I'm now
thinking about um uh narcissistic
personality disorders borderline
personality disorders maybe we'll come
back to more on that and then ultimately
the repair of the self so regulation
theory is about the development of the
self the psychopath ogenesis of the self
and then the repair of the self because
these attachment situations are now
going to play out under all periods of
stress
the right hemisphere is dominant for the
stress
response the right hemisphere is
dominant for the sympathetic nervous
system the energy expending and the
right hemisphere is dominant for the
parasympathetic nervous system so again
all of that will play out at later
points under stress and when those
systems break down that's when the
patient will will will form
symptomatologies and come into therapy
and in therapy
the the therapist now the key I'm
jumping here no this is great
because there's a right brain to right
brain interaction between the mother and
the
infant there's also a right brain to
right brain interaction between the
therapist and the patient and the key
to to both of them is regulation person
is coming in in a disregulated state the
key to to that is regulation and the key
to any form of therapy whatever the form
of it
is again is interactive regulation and
it's a therapeutic relationship the
thing which is the best
indicator of whether somebody will do
well out of therapy and whether a
clinician will do well out of therapy is
how well they can deal with the
therapeutic relationship and a really
good therapist literally knows how to
bring back those attachment things there
because now the person is starting to
feel safety and trusted and in Cally
attachment is about safety and Trust
which is very much autonomic but again
here um the key to uh to therapy is
being able to form a therapeutic
relationship with the patient so the key
here is can the therapist
form co-create a therapeutic
relationship with an avoidant patient
with a secure patient with anxious
patient or the borderline patient as you
can imagine the toughest thing is going
to be able to do with the borderline
patient with the schizophrenic patient
so what you have here is that the
attachment Dynamics are laying out so in
the very first session what's happening
the therapist is listening to the
verbalizations of the
patient in order to diagnose and
understand the
symptomatology but the therapist is also
listening beneath the words and the
patient is tracking the attachment
relationship underneath it tracking the
arousal and the arousal disregulation
underneath that tracking it in his own
body so to speak Etc and again that is a
different type of listening again the
therapist is listening to a left brain
but more or less the therapist is
listening to the right brain and the
question is how does a therapist do that
and in order just for the record for the
therapist to be able to get to the
attachment Dynamics which are right
lateralized the therapist has got to
switch out of the left into the right
and there's a term for that the term for
that is surrender surrender you cannot
consciously purposely put yourself into
the right you've got to let go you've
got to let go think let it be so to
speak I'd like to take a quick break and
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about uh surrender and I just want to
make sure I understand this is surrender
on the part of the therapist trying to
uh yes listen to The Narrative that the
patient is sharing but also paying
attention to the underlying emotional
state is the person uh quaking are they
um Angry is there uh feelings of um
despair shock uh hyper dis right so they
so they're carrying this in in their
parallel tracks and then is the is the
goal of the therapist if they're an
effective one to then soothe the patient
or is it to allow the patient to have
some sort of catharsis some release of
this like at what point does the
therapists intervene and try and
coordinate and show the the patient a
different a different way to think about
and feel about the topic matter what I'm
suggesting here is that essentially the
therapist is listening left brain to
Left Brain but the therapist also is
always listening beneath the words Etc
and he's listening to the right brain to
right brain Communications and the
patient now who is depressed is coming
out with rip brain Communications
there's sadness in the voice the face is
clearly disregulated and essentially as
the therapist is tracking that the the
emotional arousal whether it's into
hypoarousal and depression or
hyperarousal in you know into anxiety
the first thing there is to synchronize
with that patient so that my physiology
is sinking with their physiology and and
now through the right insula inter
receptively I now literally am feeling
in my body what the patient is feeling
in their body I Now understand that
patient from the inside out and
incidentally what I'm picking up in my
body about the disregulation of that
patient may be very different than the
verbal report that that patient is
giving at that time
but the key here literally just like the
mother is synchronizing with that baby's
crescendos and the decrescendos of that
autonomic state of those emotional state
I'm picking up those points where they
are shifting into and out of an
emotional state I'm synchronizing with
that and then ultimately when I'm in
sync with that kind of thing then at
that
point purely
implicitly I'm now starting to slow the
tone of my voice if I want to reduce
that arousal down or I'm up regulating
the voice at that point in time I am now
interactively regulating and we are now
synchronized together so essentially
what's going to happen is that as we
synchronize as they're going to
disregulation we're now synchronizing
together as we're going down into into
regulation so the therapist can um
literally and
somatically um show the patient
what Auto regulation is like or what
coordinated regulation is like and
you'll see it on my
face face voice gesture you'll see it on
my face you'll see it in the tone of my
voice you'll see it in my gestures those
three sensory modalities are now going
back and forth between us so the key of
the first session
literally is not only to
diagnose really it's to start to begin
to synchronize with that patient
and to form a Therapeutic Alliance with
that patient and at the end of the first
session the patient may say I don't know
why but I'm feeling better and I have
some idea that you can understand but
it's got to be more than that what I am
feeling literally so often nowadays I
think we hear that
um adult romantic relationships can
provide a a healing of some of the
failures of childhood
attachment um and there's also a phrase
thrown around a lot that um we need to
learn to parent
ourselves um this is more of a pop
psychology uh online social media thing
you know that that people need to learn
to mother and father themselves at some
level to self soothe and to you know who
knows what that means I'm not going to
try and Define it it's not operationally
defined so the question I have is um to
what extent do you think the process
that you just described with a therapist
can start to rewire some of the um the
capacity to Auto regulate or coordinated
regulate essentially here um what you
have is over time partly because of this
synchron first of all let me let me let
me spell synchrony with the capital S
what I mean by that is in the Last 5
Years a huge amount of information has
come out about this idea about
interpersonal
synchrony the term synchrony comes from
the Greek sync meaning the same chrony
time same time so that literally two
people literally are synchronized in the
same we are feeling something in the
same moment and we are feeling it
spontaneously between ourselves we are
feeling that kind of situation so again
here the key to the mother really even
more than the auto regulation the key is
interactive regulation number one number
two it's occurring on an implicit level
the mother literally is doing this
without any conscious awareness she's
doing this intuitively the right
hemisphere is intuitive and it's
imagistic it's not rational and logical
the key to any disorder whatever it is
is the regulation of a particular State
the regulation of Rage the regulation of
loss the regulation the disregulation of
a shame a disgust so essentially what
you have is the regulation of all of
these emotions but that regulation I
want to point out is all implicit and
here's where the skill of being with
patience over a long periods of time is
the key here because the key to making
changes in the patient is not what you
say to the patient or what you do to the
patient it's how to be with the patient
you understand the difference how to be
with that patient especially while that
person's being is in a disregulated
State Now by definition when they're
coming in in the first session they are
in a disregulated state so again it's
implicit is not
explicit if explicit regulation is is an
intellectual understanding of my
symptoms
implicit is an unconscious understanding
at a physiological level at a
psychobiological level of that and in
synchrony is Right un is the mechanism
underneath empathy now we know empathy
literally has to be there but empathy is
a right brain
function and there is a difference I
said there's a difference in the
hemispheres there's a difference between
emotional
empathy where I am feeling what you are
feeling and we are sharing the same
feeling
and I don't have to think about that
literally I know at that point in time
we are in the same place there's a
difference between emotional empathy on
the right and cognitive empathy on the
left cognitive empathy is an
understanding that makes no changes
because essentially what we're
attempting to do is make the changes in
the right now the changes in the right
are going to be in the right
Axis they're going to be the orbital
frontal
cortex which is the executive regulator
of the right
brain the dorsal lateral cortex is the
executive regulator of the left brain
the orbital frontal cortex now starts to
form new connections with the singulate
the insula and the amydala and that's
where you're now going to see the
changes but again the changes are due to
the regulation so you'll see the person
now starting to come into more regulated
States and the key is synchrony
so what's happening here there's a
strong Therapeutic Alliance safety and
trust and and in that situation
now the more synchrony that is there
between the two the more interactive
regulation there is being between the
two and first there will be synchrony
between the patient and the
therapist then there will be synchrony
and interact regulation between that
person and maybe other people maybe a
wife a partner and ultimately in the
symptomatology will change because
remember the symptomatology is
disregulation and the the whole key is
to change it to regulation it's
fascinating there are a couple questions
I have before we move forward about um
mother infant attachment as opposed to
Father infant attachment so that's one
and I'll ask these again in a moment but
I I think you'll see where I'm going
here and then I'm fascinated by the idea
that these circuits get established
early in life
then are repurposed for adult
relationships they can be modified in
the way that you just described but that
they cross um gender and uh gender lines
so for instance um a female baby can
form these patterns of
attachment um with their mother female
caretaker but then assuming that baby
grows up to be a heterosexual woman and
she has a attachments to men then these
things can be reactivated across gender
lines right so this formation of the
circuitry is not gender specific
although it sounds like it's important
that it be the mother to child in some
way you keep saying mother child as
opposed to caretaker so to just spell
them out one by one first question are
there any data about the formation of
the these circuits in the baby where the
mother is either not available if it's
an adopt Ed mother um if it's a child
raised by extended family I mean there's
so many different configurations but you
get the point all right here here's what
I'm
suggesting first of all there has been
some um conflict on this but um after 30
years on this um I I I believe that
there is a primary attachment figure and
the primary attachment figure is the
person who is the interactive regulator
of that baby when that baby is under
stress between age zero and two yeah or
let me say it even another way the
primary attachment figure is the person
who provides the right brain for that
baby when that baby's right brain is
disregulated could be Dad could be mom
could be yes it's true women are better
at reading non-verbal cues than men are
but it could be and incidentally we now
have some evidence that
showing that men do have right brains
for a second there I wasn't sure if you
were joking but I don't know maybe
that's reflective of a natury right
brain all right now that now that being
the case What's Happening Here is that
in the first year or two the mother's
right brain she is the person who is the
right brain in which in most cultures is
is a woman but does not have to be it
could be a stay-at-home dad who
literally has a good right brain and
maybe a couple are figuring out that
literally you he'd be better in that
position but it needs that right brain
but other than that what happens here
when when it goes now into the second
year toward the end of second year and
the father comes online got me at that
point in time the father now becomes a
primary attachment figure also but he
has some differences the way he's
dealing with that baby he's usually more
arousing with that baby and that the
play is more arousing with that baby so
more um activation of the sympathetic
autonomic so so sort of more up let's
call it um Up Up level play exactly
you're dealing with more up regulation
and and and being able to tolerate more
hyper Rous States because in the second
year one of the things that the father
will do with the infant is uh with
toddler infant first year toddler second
year Ruff and Tumble pay for example
Ruff and Tumble play so the father is
that so the father literally is now
teaching the child literally how to take
risks but the father is now moving more
towards autonomy and
Independence the mother was there at the
beginning about interactive regulation
that so the father is playing that role
and I've also suggested that just as the
mother is shaping that baby's right
brain in the first year the father is
now shaping that baby's left brain
towards the end of the first year second
and into the third year that he's
shaping that baby's his left brain to
that baby's left brain that being the
case he may also earlier on have had
good exper experiences with that baby
early on in life and a good example of
that would be a father who is tender
tender yet at the same time is
instrumental and is teaching things
about the world so one brain is shaped
by the mother figure the brother by the
father figure what about under
situations where uh there's really just
one primary caretaker this is
increasingly common nowadays and in some
countries like in certain Scandinavian
countries people opt to do this um and
elsewhere of course but this isn't
always a divorce situation sometimes
people decide to have children on their
own you know I think what's happening in
that kind of
situation is the person is is initially
performing is initially providing the
right brain and then that person let's
is now providing the left brain so if
let's say as a single woman with a child
her right brain is there on on the git
but then in the second year and
incidentally there may be father figures
or family members who also can step into
that but essentially her left brain is
is there also um remember uh we we we
both have right brains and left brains
but again that's that's a different
kinds of skill in a left brain which
would be you know the the more
autonomous situation what are your
thoughts about some of the modern
exploration of compounds that can fac
facilitate more right brain synchrony
between therapist and patient um I've
done a few episodes about MDMA uh
assisted Psychotherapy these of course
were just recently uh not approved by
the FDA so these are not legal
nonetheless there are interesting
clinical studies showing that um these
are imp pathogens um one could imagine
that they could be useful in the proper
context to um improve patient um uh
therapist right brain synchrony and
accelerate some of this process but it
seems like it would also require uh both
the patient and the therapist taking the
compound and that seems like it would
have all sorts of ethical issues yeah
yeah remember it's the relationship in
the end that is the key there um I'm
think I I'm was also somewhat aware of
that that literature and you use the
word empathogen you know which which is
not not quite
straight out empathic but mimicking
those kind of situations there um my
thought is that um that might be more
efficacious if it
were specifically involving right brain
Dynamics with a person who knew how to
work with those right brain you what you
what you're getting there are very early
forms of the behaviors which are
subcortical remember the attachment is
also regulating the subcortical areas
and those are the key ones and
incidentally we are paying too much
attention to the cortical area we
literally have to shift because the
subcortical areas are the foundations of
the human and everything is built on top
of that I'll come back to inudo in a
second if I don't get on that in fact I
have some people who have worked with me
have also been using right brain type
Psychotherapy in that with those
patients and I think that that will be
um um really interesting possibilities
of seeing changes where you have the
relationship you know in addition in
addition to that and also some
understanding about how the rip brain
works because one of the problems that
you have where there there is still some
resistance this the idea that the rip
brain is just a simpler version of the
complex left hemisphere but that's not
the case this right brain is working
completely differently so I'm thinking
that um in that
case better situation before I forget
this I want to just uh throw one of
piece in I said that the right brain is
in a growth spur from the last
trimester in the last five years 10
years there has been a real interest in
in utero
development and evidence to show that
you're even seeing lateralization in the
fetus and so and there's even evidence
now scientific evidence to show that the
early memories in utero are stored in
the right amydala so they're down there
so to speak it's so we're not paying
more and more attention to what is
happening there because at Birth
literally what you have here is the
deeper parts of the right brain are
evolving in Uno the
insula and the and the right amigdala
the center amydala and that's setting up
and you also have
synchronization across the placenta
whereby they are regulating each other's
autonomic nervous systems can adrenaline
pass across the placenta I should know
this I know adrenaline doesn't cross the
blood brain barrier but the brain makes
its own adrenaline but do do we know if
adrenaline crosses the placental barrier
first of all we most of the studies have
been on cortisol right and high levels
of cortisol they're going to cross it so
if you have let's say the amydala which
is in a is in a critical period of
growth the right Amiga and the cortisol
levels are very high that's really going
to not be an optimal situation for that
amydala to evolve because you're going
to have a continuous stress response
there and that's going to have and and
essentially what that means also that if
the mother is in a very stressed State
during a utero some of that literally
now is going to impact the lower areas
of the brain so um as as far as
adrenaline goes uh I'm not sure on that
I don't see why not uh although um
hormones certainly cross you know we're
looking at not only changes in
neuromodulators especially incidentally
the key here that we're trying to
regulate are the neuromodulators excuse
me dopamine reward
noradrenaline adrenaline it's those
which also early in life literally form
plast neuroplastic so they will form
circus that's what we're attempting to
to regulate here to downregulate very
high levels of neur adrenaline and
upregulate you know uh dopamine etc
etc I'd like to take a quick break and
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as I recall in your book uh WR brain
Psychotherapy there was a description
beautiful description of um you know
these up States and then these uh more
uh calming State coordination between
mother and child and I started to uh I
actually read this book um when I was
living in Tanga I would walk on the road
I don't recommend this there are no
sidewalks inen and I would read the the
physical copy and I I recall very
distinctly think thinking about this
image of the of the baby and the mother
and you know the baby is a little bit
you know hyperaroused is is upset and so
the mother would make you know sort of
um sounds not necessarily words
like these kinds of things or humming or
or you know bouncing lullabies these
sorts of things that's the pro that the
pro and then the uh the related release
of things like serotonin perhaps
oxytocin as well we can talk more about
those but then also how critical it is
uh for the mother to be able to regulate
the baby's um transition to up States
like looking at the baby as it comes out
of a nap and saying good you know good
morning and really wide eyes lots of
gesturing lots of gesticulating that is
you know um bringing the voice level up
and the baby going you know really
waking up in a in a kind of a steeper
slope of of arousal and how important
that was and then that being slightly
more related and this makes perfect
sense to
norepinephrine adrenaline at low healthy
levels and perhaps dopamine as well is
is that the right way to think about
this and if so is that what's going on
when we form adult friendships adult
relationships are we oscillating back
and forth between the ability to hang
out and relax and and soothe each other
and the ability to kind of get excited
about something is this the basis of all
relationships and relating yes yes um
the key here is emotional regulation
again and again it's implicit emotion
regulation um one of the tenets uh
Central tenets of my ideas here is
that first of all there has been too
much of an emphasis on the
downregulation of negative States you
remember the original attachment Theory
the secure base the baby would come back
in a in a stress State she would
downregulate the the negative States but
really attachment is about the down
regulation of negative States and the
UPR regulation of positive States still
at this point in time the importance of
positive States in The Human Experience
are overlooked positive emotions Joy
enthusiasm excitement positive States
literally are the key and there are
monal aspects to that as you just point
out for example dopamine etc etc and
this goes for therapy also in therapy
it's not only just the down regulation
and the sharing the down regulation but
it's also sharing the upregulation of
positive States because that's you know
that's that's that's a critical piece of
it also but there still is that bias to
look one way now in the right brain book
I'm also talking about two types of of
Love quiet love and and excited love
this was the famous uh psychoanalyst
Donald wincott who was a pediatrician
who was one of the great psychoanalysts
of the 20th century and he made the
distinction between quiet love which
would again be the downregulation of
noradrenaline and excited which is into
a parasympathetic state so you're going
from a hyp sympathetic State into a
parasympathetic State quiet love and
then excited love which would be also
passionate love which is the higher
arousal State out of it so to speak and
they are both important and ultimately
they both need to be integrated and you
may have a situation whereby one can do
one but ultimately they have to come
together let me make this important
point in the end we have negative
emotions for adaptive reasons it's there
let's say Shame Shame is meant to dose
down very high levels of arousal and
it's if one can't do that very high
levels of arousal let's say narcissistic
personality disorders you need to be
able to so we need to have access to
both positive and negative emotion but
the real key to a secure attachment is
the a ability to integrate both positive
and negative emotions so with a really
good SEC securely attached uh mother
when that baby is in a down state
literally she can literally ride down
with that baby and synchronize
and when it's an Upstate she can she can
really ride up with that state in the
case of narcissistic personality
disorders let's say for example I'm
jumping here we've got a an insecure
attachment it can be an avoidant
attachment or the other one depends what
kind there are two different types of
narcissistic personality disorders you
can have anxiously attached narcissis no
but you can have two different types of
narcissistic personality disorders a
vulnerable attachment and an egotistical
attachment you said a vulnerable
attachment vulnerable attachment is
again an anxious attachment these people
constantly need praise yeah yes sound
familiar but but also e egotistical
attachment but my my point out of that
essentially here is the stresses in life
are there and that the negative stresses
are there but we can learn from those
negative stresses also Etc and
ultimately we what we need to do is to
be able to know how to integrate if we
can't integrate the positive and the
negative will end up with splitting you
know the term yeah because I believe
that's a primary uh uh feature of
borderline personality disorder which I
think we should also touch on yeah yeah
so U my understanding about splitting is
that it's the uh I love you I hate you
phenomenon brought on by um not just an
internal switch um which is sometimes
seen in like bipolar uh disorder but
rather somebody with a borderline
personality disorder will um see
something like um and be like very upset
like suddenly like the fact that um a
glass is empty of a drink meant that
they didn't think enough to to like
refill a glass or something whereas a
few minutes before it was perfectly fine
it was it was not an issue right there
there needs to be a trigger and then
they split is that right yeah yeah so
essentially you know the splitting
usually the splitting goes out
externally
that person is all bad I am all
good so now you have that splitting ET
you can't see anything of a goodness in
that person at this point in time does
it sometimes go the other way that
person's all good I'm bad it could also
be that all good but you also have
internally splitting you have an
internal split between a good self and a
bad self and internally there's an
internal object relation that we all
have as we internalize these external
relationships so that there's a good
self and a bad self literally and that
they cannot be integrated so to speak
and that that part of me I hate that
part of me versus I love that part of me
Al in terms of borderline usually what
you see at the very beginning is that
there's an over idealization of the
positive values of that
therapist and then there is some there
are some then stressors and Mis
attunements and ruptures that are repair
and now all of a sudden what was totally
good now becomes totally bad
incidentally that could be if there is
not a strong Therapeutic Alliance the
point at which the person will drop out
are these uh people with borderline
personality is I don't know if you still
call it a disorder nowadays that gets a
little bit into the let's call it
borderline um with borderline um do they
exhibit the same sort of splitting um
idealization and then the idea that
somebody is terrible and they want
nothing to do with them in the context
of work relationship friendships does it
extend out into other domains of life or
is it unique to certain uh types of
relationships I think it's a way of
seeing the world remember and the way of
seeing the world essentially is very
different from the left hemisphere and
the right hemisphere the right way
hemisphere sees the world through
emotional relationships and that uh so
that can become a trait that can be
really a hard and fast trade let me put
it another way um in the case of
narcissistic personality
disorder the baby is all good the
caregiver primary caregiver is always
thinking very positive about that about
that infant but when that infant now all
of a sudden becomes
depressed the interactive regulation
stops at that point in time and the
caregiver doesn't want anything to do
with that no the so at that point in
time now
everything is
unconscious if you and I are together
and there is a misattunement between us
what possibility let's say in a
dismissive attachment is all of a sudden
I will
disengage we got too
close and at that point in time maybe
I'm acting out my early attachment
Dynamics because what the baby is doing
is expecting what what the mother will
do
next and at that point in time there's a
misattunement like that and so in the
case of a dismissive personality that
person will emotionally
disengage okay become very abstract at
that point in time and at that point in
time I can't feel you I hear what you're
saying and so at all points in time you
have this situation of coming closer and
moving apart coming closer and moving
apart and this will be acted out in the
therapeutic relationship also with and
um and so that every time the person is
the anxious person is stressed they'll
come in closer to you now now they're
more demanding about what they need from
you look at the tone of my voice while
the insecure avoiding now is not going
to deactivate it and at that point in
time my voice will now get
flat you can't even hear the effective
tone of my voice so I'm telling you that
we always pick up at the level of our
own
physiology how emotionally close or
distant that person is at this point in
time
especially at points of
stress whether I'm coming in or I'm
moving out let me go back to this all of
this is occurring at an implicit level
which is why you said something about
reparenting
Etc too much is on a conscious level
there if you really want to make these
changes in a personality they have to be
changes in the right brain and that's
why all therapy now is looking into
emotion All Therapy no matter what form
of therapy it's laying on top of the
therapeutic relationship and emotion per
se I'm pausing cuz I'm just taking all
this in and thinking
about what are the ways that people can
start to tap into this right brain
health or lack of health and ways to
repair their right brain circuitry so to
speak
um without a therapist or is that just
simply impossible no it's not impossible
no it's not impossible we we all grow
and incidentally our right brains do
grow but again
[Music]
um the key here I'm
suggesting the whole idea about
interpersonal
neurobiology it was the editor of the
nordon Ser interpersonal which is the
two-person situation there has been too
much of an emphasis on auto
regulation and not enough emphasis on
interactive
regulation the real key to changing a
right
brain is finding people you can be close
with finding people you can be open with
finding people you can be vulnerable
with that literally you can show your
shortcomings and opening yourself up to
those people as they open up to you it's
literally to form that right brain toght
brain communication system with someone
else I think I just got it I think if
I'm not mistaken what you're describing
is interactive dynamics that create or
uh elaborate on circuitry that exists in
all of us but that for some people might
be atrophied because of the lack of
proper nourishment emotional nourishment
early in life but that we can engage
these uh these circuits these right
brain circuits but then when we're not
around these people there must be
something the right brain circuitry that
provides a sort of a um a soothing
function so that we we must know at an
implicit level that like we can do this
like we know how to attach in healthy
ways to people we have a close friend we
can rely on we have maybe friends plural
we we uh maybe repaired a relationship
with a sibling this kind of thing so
it's not that these circuits need to
constantly be engaged every moment with
the with the Barista with the you know
but that that we somehow at an
unconscious level uh it must be that we
come to realize that um that this
circuitry has has re-elaborated or is
elaborated in a way that that we know
quote unquote we can do it you know
remember part of the problem is being
able to take in to take these things in
here but the key to emotion incidentally
let me let me throw out an important
another important term in terms of let's
say a therapy situation I've said
essentially therapy is is about
literally reworking emotion and the most
the key to to mental health and physical
health is also a right brain uh a right
brain emotional situation here the key
here is that there are heighten
effective moments in a therapy session
I'm going to go therapy then I'm going
to come back to your
question we've now formed the
Therapeutic Alliance the stronger the
therapeutic alliances between us more
empathy between us so to speak the more
we can share
I'm now going to start to drop some of
my defenses because the defenses are
there to block aect negative
affect and begin now to take a chance
now to open myself up you know to
somebody else's but in a therapy session
somewhere around the middle of that
session the person comes
in out of the world in a left brain
State somewhere in the middle of the
session they start moving into affect
and now the person is starting to talk
in a more effective level and now
talking about a memory or some sad
situation or something that just
happened in a relationship with a couple
now you even start hearing my voices now
the voice tone change and these
moments which only May last believe it
or
not 50 60 seconds are heightened affec
of moments these are moments when all of
a sudden we are both in the right and we
are both synchronized and the affective
now is is out there so to speak and
that's the possibility now to get this
change in these H effective moments so
to be in an interpersonal relationship
with someone and to co-create with that
person a hid and affective moment in
both of us which we are sharing at that
point in time by taking the risk to be
open at that point in time also these
are the moments in life that you really
go into your autobiographical memory I
remember my occasion with that person I
can bring back the whole context because
remember the right brain acts with
images images so I can bring back that
image now and I can remember the
closeness that I felt at that point in
time Etc these are put into bright brain
so we we are always putting into our
autobiographical memory these hiding
effective moments so to have those
shared effective moments with other
people these are really whereby you're
making changes in the right and these
are much more important I want to
suggest than you know intellectually now
there have been certain F I'm now going
to I'm going to move into a a little bit
of a different place here what I'm
suggesting is that these right brain to
right brain Communications are always
going on but certain people literally
can't read them as well other people can
and they can't read the face of voice
and they're they can't synchronize well
can I stop you and ask one question
which is let's say that let's take this
conversation for instance I'm listening
to your words very carefully if I make
an effort to listen especially carefully
to what somebody is saying the content
of their words is there a competition
between left and right brain such that
I'm now not getting as much right brain
listening
yeah okay this is this to me feels like
the the surrender aspect whereas I can I
and I do this during these interviews uh
SL um discussions where I'll sit back
sometimes and I'm still listening but I
widen my gaze I don't look around but I
widen my gaze and I'm I'm trying to just
feel something coming in I'm not a
therapist obviously um no one would ever
suspect that I was but I only do it for
a few seconds and then I re-engage and I
used to think that it was like a like a
relaxation of sorts but inevitably I
feel like it's a different way to the
conversation takes a different direction
is is that more or less what you're
talking about yeah that's a colossal
shift I meanly the cor is you you can
shift from the left into the right about
100 100 milliseconds so essentially you
can't be in you have to be in one
Hemisphere or the other so so if I'm
listening very carefully to like exactly
what you said and I'm and I'm tracking
everything you said like I'm in a like
in a courtroom situation then my right
brain is suppressed okay is that right
good feed good feed now watch where I go
here okay the right hemisphere is
dominant for
attention Okay I mean this baby and this
mother literally she's focusing her
attention on that baby's face tone was
but there are two different types of
attention strong neuros Neuroscience to
show this the left brain operates by
narrow attention narrowly focused
attention atton as the best example of
narrowly focused attention is you are
following my words one after the other
but there's another type of attention
which is used by the right brain which
is called wide ranging
attention which comes right out of Freud
which he also called maybe you remember
this evenly suspended attention I
haven't heard that but that's beautiful
it's the same thing which is much wider
than that and that form of attention is
the the form of attention that the right
brain has because the attention at that
point in time
is not only
of what's coming from the outside but
also attention to what's happening in
the inside my own inside the changes in
my own physiology at that point in time
also so yes there are these two for
different forms of attention and
essentially the only way someone who was
just narrow all the time let's let's
take a personality who just lives in the
left hemisphere a hyperlinear person
exactly hyper logical hyper rational
cannot really see the big picture but
literally that kind of a situation so
essentially that kind of a person is
always looking at the narrow aspects of
it and cannot see the broader context
the broader context because there's a
context that's being set up right now
between you and I there's also a context
that's being set up and that context
also has to it a kind of a feeling of
safety and Trust as we literally just go
off wherever our you know our thoughts
are with some idea that literally you'll
be able to follow that and you'll come
back with me at the same time so the
context the emotional atmosphere between
us changes when you go left into the
right like that point here is that it
used to be
thought that you the only way you could
understand the
brain was by looking more intally into
one brain if you understood how one
brain worked and everything was int
psychic but then there's the
interpersonal part of it and so
essentially we're moving now from a onep
person int psychic psychology to a two
person interpersonal psychology you see
what I mean by two person I got the
mother here got the baby there I got the
patient here I got the therapist there
and between them literally are going
back and forth at all periods of time
right brain to right brain
Communications underneath the
conversation so neuroimaging
hyperscanning neuroimaging your familiar
with
hyperscanning another Paradigm shifting
thing that is occurring now in
neuroimaging for the first time we can
now scan two people n IRS EEG whatever
you want it while they are in the middle
of a basic interpersonal interaction
aable interaction between the two of
them these Studies have now been
done and what they did was that they
found is that the two
brains especially when they into
emotional states and when they are
looking at each other face to face and
they're concentrating literally on how
to empathically be with that person Etc
emotions so to speak they they find that
the the right brain of one will
synchronize with the right brain of the
other and the part of the right brain
that synchronizes with the
other is the right temporal parietal
Junction a lot of evidence now on the
right temporal parietal
Junction I said right brain to right
brain so now the eyes are coming and
remember the eyes are I mean direct eye
connection really is the most powerful
form of communication I always remind
people these are two little bits of
brain outside your cranial vault as
weird as that might seem they are two
bits of brain your retina is central
nervous system and you're you're looking
at that's about as close as you can get
to looking at somebody's brain State as
anything well you know this the eyes are
being controlled by the autonomic
nervous system so you got the you have
an autonomic nervous system the
ordonomic nervous system synchrony here
so to speak but uh but essentially
uh what's occurring at this point in
time face voice
gesture the face is processed in the
posterior parts of the right hemisphere
that face processing right hemisphere
face
processing the right the posterior parts
of the right hemisphere the sensory
areas of the right hemisphere process
the voice The Melody of the voice the
tone of the voice that's different than
the semantics of the voice so this is
procity this is this is pro this is what
the Italians do so well right
right and the and the and the posterior
parts of the right hemisphere also will
process gesture and tactile okay all of
that comes together is integrated
together in the right temporal parietal
Junction so when two people literally
are empathically synchronizing with each
other when we are sharing the same
emotional
state the the patient says at this point
in time my God it's rage I never
realized it was
anger and at that point in
time the empathic therapist who's
synchronizing we are both literally
now in that right temporal parietal
Junction but the right temporal parietal
Junction is what sends the
communications and receives the
communications got me
here so essentially
that's where our linguage is and we are
now literally in a right brain to right
brain
communication and what they found
was during a real Psychotherapy
situation where the patient comes in and
they're there because they have
interpersonal relationships problems and
emotional problems and they're face to
face in their eye to eye and they're
tracking each other's like that you'll
find that
synchronization so the the
synchronization between my right Temple
parietal and your right Temple parietal
is a right brain to right brain
communication that rip rain to ripe rain
communication is always occurring in
that kind of a context and
therefore the most important new change
in
psychoanalysis is that the
unconscious just is more than just
happening at dreams it's happening at
all points because the unconscious we
now know is a relational unconscious it
communicates with another relational
unconscious right brain to right brain
and this has really changed so much now
in our understanding about what
Psychotherapy is about also andly I want
to point out the major change mechanism
in Psychotherapy now is not inside it's
not cognitive
Insight it's more the ability to have an
emotionally Laden conversation with
another human
being and to make emotional connections
with another human being which is why
the therapeutic relationship really is
the factor of the change and that's very
different than the old days was your
unconscious is here the analyst is there
I'm now going to interpret what you're
doing as you are sinking down into the
right and now going but I'm going to
stay up left that interpret it that's
why there was a real limitation to that
and that's why psychoanalysis really
changed now now also to a face-to-face
contact not just the C the couch
also fascinating and makes total sense
based on the newer Imaging tools um
revealing synchrony Etc I have two
questions um that can be asked in
parallel music and
dogs why music and dogs well some of
what you're describing um reminds me of
the um State shift that occurred when I
hear particular pieces of music for
which um I'm not paying attention to the
lyrics or in some cases the lyrics
matter I'm listening but they don't make
any sense like if they were read out as
a paragraph it wouldn't make any sense
but it feels like there's some
fundamental truth there so this is I I
could State specific musical preferences
but it's highly individual so for some
people it's classical music for other
people it's music that contains lyrics
but there's this feeling
like yes like there's a truth there and
I feel that truth even though the
content of the words let's take couldn't
help myself like a Bob Dylan song for
instance he's certainly could be
considered a poet right you know and if
you read the lyrics Just as a paragraph
you'd be like this is nonsense but the
way that it sung the meaning behind it
the tamber in the voice the proy ETC and
presumably the emotion that he was
feeling at the time when the music was
recorded communicates with us and we
enter a synchronous State and then in
parallel to this I mentioned dogs where
um sure they have a for they have a left
brain and a right brain um but I think
with animals generally um if they're
domestic animals and we have a very
close relationship to them we we can
really feel a resonance with them and
presumably them with us and um for
anyone that's experienced it you know
they some people might be chuckling now
but it's nothing short of profound right
the extent to which we really feel like
they see us and we see them and there's
a bond yeah clearly not the same
magnitude as a parent child Bond but
nonetheless so music and dogs do you
think it's tapping in to this same right
temporal
parietal well I I I think that it's it's
first of all the the right temporal
parietal Junction is the posterior and
the right orbital frontal is the cortex
so the whole right brain there so to
speak okay so we're going we're
basically going from anterior to
posterior just there structures the
whole way back the orbital frontal is
the regulation part of
the the the temporal parietal Junction
is the communication part of it so the
whole key is the communication of
emotion and the regulation of emotion
where is the surrender switch the
surrender is the colosal switch out of
the left into the right so not so much
paying attention to the content of the
words the logic behind them The Logical
flaws that might exist the analytic part
but rather how the words sound how the
words feel literally yes and clearly one
of the uh first of all there has been a
lot of Neuroscience done on music and
incidentally most of that is right brain
showing right brain activation in music
uh the key here even more than that it's
it's particular music to me it has a
particular meaning to me your
subjectivity and a lot shows that uh
music is essentially a mechanism of aect
Regulation but I want to suggest to view
that pets are also a mechanism of affc
Regulation dogs everywhere smiling
absolutely you know and and but maybe by
the same things I want to suggest I
think that the communication between
dogs and I've had four dogs myself is
that literally it's
tactile it's the touch of that animal
it's the pro of the voice because
literally that dog understands the prity
of the voice and also uh you to some
extent I think they they can read our
our faces but more than that there's one
other sense which I haven't brought up
which is part of human relationship and
that's
smell okay and this is overlooked in
human relationship but in real intimate
contacts between human beings the smell
is really a key there you not think
about sexual arousal so dogs are really
very strong on our smell Etc but if
attachment is a reunion after a
separation you come home home there's
that dog sitting there literally and
immediately you're down regulating the
day you have now taken off the whole
left osphere and our whole stresses of
all of that and you're now shifting left
into right and we use the mechanisms
that is available to do that and music
is one of the ways to do that so in some
sense music is an auto regulation
although music can be live music and
then it's more than that so that's the
case or playing music with others this
is something I'm incapable of because
have no musical ability but playing
music with others you can see the when
we talk about the chemistry of a band
it's so incredible to witness that and
then to feel it in Mass with thousands
maybe of other people yeah there have
been studies to show that during a
performance uh there is a synchrony
there are synchronized States between
the performer and and the audience and
it's certainly they're all you can have
thousands of people literally in that
same synchronized State at that point in
time here you mentioned uh earlier um
Steven porges work um and uh we know
that brain and body are connected in
both directions and I should know this
but uh I don't know if the right brain
has
preferential um communication with the
parasympathetic or sympathetic or other
aspects of well Vegas is parasympathetic
but I think it's probably both I think
the more we discover about about the
Vegas it's likely to be mixed
sympathetic parasympathetic but I'll
catch some heat for that but that's okay
but is the you know bodily sensing is a
a real thing like there there are ways
that our diaphragm and our and our our
core relax when we're happy I mean all
of this is is obvious to to anyone um
but I'm just curious um how right brain
uh links up with bodily States the right
brain is more connected into the body
than the left brain um incidentally I'm
going to do you know the name Ian
mcgilchrist yes I know the name and many
people have commented on our YouTube
channel that I need to talk to Ian um um
that's all that I have gotten that far
but i' I've been busy um get him get him
uh great Ian we'll we'll send you an
invite yeah I mean
the there there has been ongoing
dialogue between us for some time but
Ian talks about that the right brain
literally is much more Connect into the
body and incidentally is also more is
more dominant for will unconscious will
is more important than conscious will
which you kind of at the very beginning
we were talking about the left versus
the right yeah so I'm curious as to you
know how people can start
to sense these uh right brain left brain
shifts we talked about how um paying a
little less attention to the content of
words and a little bit more to how a
conversation is feeling
independent of the word content might be
part of it um we hear a lot these days
about you know how body posture matters
you know that you know like if people
are closed up with their arms crossed I
don't know but sometimes I'm just a
little chilly so I'll cross my arms and
sometimes I'll cross my arms and lean in
and I know that I'm in a much more
attuned state so I don't put too much
weight on that but maybe I should put
more weight on that what are your
thoughts yeah there's a classical work
on uh by the an analyst by the name of
Manuel hammer and he was talking about
how to reach the affect and what he
suggested is that there are certain
moments in the session when literally my
body in order to pick up the
communications of the patient I lean
back I'm not leaning forward into I lean
back and let the atmosphere literally
come over me so to speak I love this I'm
just forgive me for interrupting but I
love this because people especially on
social media they they take a piece of
information like you know if you're lean
back you're disengaged you're Lean
Forward you're engaged but you could
also just turn it right around and say
if you're leaned forward you're
impending and then the person doesn't
have space and so it becomes a frankly
becomes a bunch of BS but but notice
here what I'm talking about what the
therapist is attempting to do is to make
an emotional connection an empathic
connection and in order to make an
empathic
connection you're you're leaning back
you're leaning back and literally as you
lean back all of a sudden you're able to
pick up things and hear things that you
didn't see see before so to speak and
frequently what happens when when you're
in an emotional connection like that
images will come to your mind images
which which really represent the
emotional experience that the other is
having and at that point in time also
what you'll find is that just as you're
picking up that person's image he's
picking up your person image and what
Hammer says is that we have what we have
here is something that's alike an
affective Wireless between between the
two because it's going back and forth
between the two of us just like a right
brain to right brain communication
affected by Freud
said the human unconscious acts like a
receptor and it picks up the
communications of the unconscious of
another human being flud said literally
human beings can pick up the unconscious
without go without it going through the
conscious mind so again in that kind of
a context you know that all that all
makes makes sense the other thing I want
to say about all of these behaviors that
are going on now when there is an
emotional
communication the key is spontaneous
behaviors spontaneous not thought out
behaviors spontaneous
behaviors when there are spontaneous
behaviors there's more trust in them
being SP you know in the first place but
there's not a mind that is attempting to
present anything and when you have two
people revealing their spontaneous
behaviors to each other even if they're
not sure how they're going to be
affected that also is a matter for
synchrony in order for there to be
synchrony there has to be
spontaneous two-way Communications
turn-taking Communications and
incidentally as we talk about this
conversation what is set up in the
attachment between the mother and the
infant the infant makes a cry the mother
response is that they are now taking
turns there's turn taking behavior and
in a good relationship what you find is
more or less smooth turn-taking
behaviors and incidentally you and I who
have never met before are not doing too
badly in these spontaneous turn-taking
behaviors between us I appreciate you
saying that I feel the same way text
messaging has become a dominant mode of
communication the these days um I've
hosted a few guests expert in emotions
in the brain um Lisa Feldman Barrett for
instance and and others and she and
others have talked about how the emogif
of emotions you know just like a smiley
face or a crying face or oh goodness or
your mind blown these things are
convenient as is shorthand text lack of
punctuation Etc but today's conversation
also you know highlights the extent ENT
to which text messaging is pretty much
devoid of most everything that you're
talking about a green bubble or a blue
bubble seen or not seen you know read or
not read uh depending on how you you set
your settings um the latency the
turn-taking it's com sometimes people
layer in multiple conversations and
you're going back and forth about a
couple of different things and then then
like your your food order comes I
mean sure the human brain can handle
this but this seems either not
good neutral that is or bad for um
building in reinforcing communication I
it actually concerns me but of course
I'm Now 49 so I can say things like now
that I'm 49 I can say things like that
you know but it concerns me because I
think that you can imagine the young
brain and older brain essentially uh not
being good at interpersonal Dynamics
because of text message I
agree I agree um first of all
um let me mention that one of uh Ian's
ideas is that essentially uh um the left
hemisphere is becoming more and more
dominant today in in in not only in this
country and that he sees that as really
as a huge problem because the title of
his book is the master and his Emissary
and the Emissary which is the left brain
betrays the master so he sees that one
of the problems we're dealing with right
now is that there's the left hemisphere
is there and that these right
hemispheres even metaphors are you know
are problematic so I have a rule I I
don't argue over
text um I don't I don't like to argue
over text I don't like to argue period
but I don't you know I'll pick up the
phone I'm of the generation where we
called one
another um I I find text to be
completely devoid of what I'm really
seeking in terms of connection um
and I think that there's an entire I
know there's an entire generation of
people that grew up communicating mainly
through um short message Jonathan hate
and the author of The anxious generation
has has been encouraging young kids to
put away their phones and get out and
interact more encouraging parents to let
their kids be more what they call free
range kids and do this kind of thing
arguing that there's far fewer dangers
in the physical world than there are in
the online world for young
brains he makes a convincing argument um
for those of us that are um seeking to
have U better connection um maybe even
do some healing of the right brain
circuitry that you talking about today
do you think that um there's a hierarchy
of Effectiveness such that you know like
um text would be perhaps at the bottom
uh voice memo maybe next level up I'm
thinking here a phone call um you know
there was a time when we wrote
handwritten letters and those felt very
meaningful sure I kept handwritten
letters from people that I cared about
and that cared about me the handwritten
letters are proves that it doesn't have
to be a real-time
exchange but there's something about
handwriting a typewritten letter would
by today's standards would also be a
significant thing
but you know that there really seems to
be something special about um a letter
um a face Toof face
right in in terms of
literally the point of the letter and
the attempt of the letter literally was
to to to make a connection I can
remember in my childhood going away to
camper and we would write letters back
and forth and it it the words that were
being used there were literally about
making a connection and filling you in
which also meant that I had to reflect
about myself and what was happening with
me and how I felt about that and how and
I was sharing all of that
uh you know W with with another person
that has really gone in into into into
the background and things have become
much more impersonal but I want to point
out that for a certain type of
Personality texting fits
perfectly these there people that walk
around with left brains that are
hypertrophied um people you know living
living in the left living in the left
that's right inally before I just want
to point out there are other ways
literally of feeding the right brain
brain of what it needs and one of the
other ways also is going out into the
world is traveling is being in nature
you know sharing those kinds of things
also those are also uh in addition to
the you know to the inperson situations
here but um yeah we're seeing changes
here we're seeing changes here and I'm
not so sure uh too many of these are are
good let me throw out um I made a little
list of the areas which are now being
studied which are showing that clearly
this is right brain dominance in these
activities yeah please share stop me at
any
point essentially the argument that I'm
making in the in this new book on human
nature is that the highest levels of
human nature are in the right
brain so essentially
intuition now remember intuition is
there for all kinds of professions that
one of the things that a fireman G gains
over time is literally how to redef fire
so intuition purely right brain and and
intuition literally is is drawing on
Body Sensations also Etc
imagery
creativity lot of evidence showing
creativity the ability to processing
something novel and something something
new
metaphors
imagination studies
humor
music
poetry
art
morality comp
passion
spirituality and The Best For Last
Love that's a spectacular list making
the the right brain circuitry at at
least among uh the most exciting
circuits um certainly important circuits
I threw an ad for the next
book I love right brain Psychotherapy
love love love it I own a hard cover
copy um I've owned it for a couple years
now um I highly recommend it we'll put
links to your your books in the show
note caption get the development of the
unconscious mind also okay we'll
do what are some activities that allow
us to quote unquote drop into our right
brain circuitry a bit more um one that
immediately leap to mind as you
mentioned nature and interacting with
nature and we were talking about music
is uh walking
um and earlier we talked about you
educated us on rather this notion of
wide range
attention um this evenly suspended
attention that is associated with the
right brain this kind of widening of
gaze as opposed to narrow gaze and
narrow attention that is associated with
left brain
circuitry when we're out in nature and
when we're amb ambulating when we're
walking provided we're not looking at
our phone one hopes or looking for
something specific like a bird that
we've
spotted we tend to be in panoramic
Vision uh I'm a vision scientist so I
can't help myself you know what we call
magnos Cellar Vision these like big
pixels I'm aware yeah taking it all in
it's more
spherical than um kind of a a cone of
attention I would imagine that might be
more right brain Associated um what are
some things that you if you um suggest
to your patients like hey you know until
our next session you know do you
encourage them to journal free associate
journal to listen to music to uh to take
walks um or do you you restrict the the
activation of this right brain circuitry
to the session and then let it just show
up as it were yeah yeah so so you let it
them sort of just default to to to what
what's happening yeah yeah um
two uh two two points
here first of all on on uh
therapy um I think there's been too much
of an emphasis on technique in
therapy
um and really what
the r brain research is is showing I is
that um um it's it's the right brain
process that's the key here more than
technique and so um that being the case
um due to my own training Psychotherapy
has shown to be more effective in making
long-term
changes uh and even changes after the
treatment is over than other forms of
therapy like CBT so I think there's been
too much on that on the matter of other
experiences the r brain is also dominant
for processing novel information
anytime something new comes up the ride
picks it up first and you get a burst of
nor adrenaline out of that also so the
pursuit of continuing to have a curious
mind and an open
mind um I think is part of that and
seeking new
experiences in different parts of the
world if I mean there's there's an
economic piece to that also but with new
challenges br bring up new challenges
that we have and to
essentially if
possible feed curiosity
curiosity
um Einstein even said something
essentially that along those lines there
so new experiences with new people new
challenges new places to see new you
know a travel I think is uh you know one
of those and it turned out to be one of
the Great fortunate gifts that came from
all of this um you know I I was a
therapist only for about 45 years and I
came into this late I wrote this book in
late and literally it's led me
into new relationships and new friends
who starts making friends at 45 and 50
years old but again Novelties um and
sharing that you know I think is is is
also another way of doing that plus um
you you said this I'll repeat it
exercise exercise is a key here um I'm I
happen to be interested in energy and in
mitochondria and uh um there's a uh
scientist navio at San Diego who has
written on this and he's talking about
the healing process and part of the
healing process literally is
exercise that's fundamental to healing
of whatever physical and mental and also
restorative sleep so taking care of our
body um one of the things that U we
learn early in our in our uh experiences
mostly taught through the body is
literally how to take care of our bodies
and as you're well aware of um you don't
see that um in certain pathologies and
you also have certain and I'm talking
about more than just self-destructive
like cutting the But ultimately the the
ability to be able to to look
Inward and to be able to reflect back
upon the self um and to be able to see
um even what we want to see and don't
want to see now I I I want to just make
a quick reference to
defenses because um defenses are can be
adaptive and maladaptive and they're
important and they're there for example
we have defenses against overwhelming a
dissociation is defense against over
overwhelming a but we also have defense
like
repression which is part of all human
beings and repression can be normal and
adaptive or it can be maladaptive and
it's maladaptive literally when it's
when it's when the repression is very
strong essentially what you have there
is that the left hemisphere is just
shutting out anything coming over from
the right that's what repression the
left hemisphere just shutting that all
out so part of this is becoming more
aware of those defenses that we have
also and I want to make this point
also there are certain parts of
ourselves which we cannot
see we can only see them when we're
getting feedback from somebody who knows
us and can see those things in us and
even if at the time they're
uncomfortable but we need that feedback
from somebody we trust to be able to see
which is why this ability literally to
completely change one's psychology is
highly problematic because remember what
you're attempting to do is to change the
right brain which is why Intimate
Relationships close
relationships um with whom we can share
things is really a key there also we are
everybody has blind
spots and um the way out of that again
is is is trusting enough to take in uh
negative feedback you know at times also
my own feeling is that when something
hits me let's say a disappointment hits
me and uh one of the things I learned
early about my own emotion because in
order to study emotion you have to study
your own emotion Etc that for me
literally when something comes I just
let it come and move wherever it's going
to go lit and feel it just at at at all
of its intensity and strength and even
after sharing it
literally letting it penetrate down so
to speak and ultimately at some point
it'll come back into another shape in a
form but our emotions are adaptive and
again I want to point out one of the
major fallacies is that negative
emotions are bad and positive emotions
are good positive emotions are good
manic emotions Etc negative emotions are
bad loss you know we are wired for all
of these emotions because they have
adaptive value and we need to be able to
be familiar with all of those different
types of
emotions you know that that come our way
in our lives I have a friend he's a
songwriter and he told me that he has
this process whereby he writes music
every day um but he starts his day by
painting or
drawing I think he sold some paintings
and drawings but that's not not his main
vocation but he told me that he he draws
in paints as a way to sort of um Grease
the gears to songwriting and then I
learned that Joanie Mitchell did this
too or something similar um and I can't
help but Wonder uh whether or not
they've uh unconsciously tapped into a
mode of bringing right brain circuitry
up in terms of its activity yeah um
neither of them are known as painters or
or uh artists um but of course musical
artists and quite accomplished ones at
that um is that um tool or technique Mak
sense yeah it does essentially it's it's
creativity you know which again is the
ability to see something novel in a in
in a new way to look at the same thing
but through new eyes so I I think those
are ways of literally
artists know literally how to get
surrender out of the left and get into
the right and you're seeing these
mechanisms of surrender but let me share
into something else more
autobiographical about what you're
saying um when I decided to uh I knew
that I was going to write something uh
you know at a certain point in time and
so for 10 years I went into a period of
self-study and and literally I went to a
library Cal State Library near me and I
just went through the stacks you
remember it was like to go through the
stacks and I started to move into
psychology into neurology into into
chemistry but then I found myself doing
something else I went back to the piano
I took piano as as a you know as a
teenager it led nowhere but as an adult
I went back to the piano we have a piano
in the house that was came from my my
in-laws because I wanted to know
something in my fingers I didn't want to
know something in my logic I knew that
the way that I usually would understand
things would would be rationally and
logically but I wanted to be able to
play and be able to play again purely so
that it was in my fingers and I also
wanted to be able to visualize so I got
to a point now where I started to be
able to now to be able to see a cell and
I could visualize mitochondrial moving
now up into the dendrites at the cell
membr so that visualization capacity as
well as the musical capacity was my
intuitive way of starting now more and
more to get me to lean into the right to
be able to learn how to be in the right
amazing I I love this and and I'll
refrain from sharing my um you know
personal uh use of such uh sort of I
guess we call them Avenues into the
right um but I want to make clear I
understand you're in the stacks of books
in the library that feels and sounds
like a like a cognitive Endeavor a left
brain Endeavor but then it just came to
you I want to play the piano or um
through the the research uh that you
were doing this a 10year self research
Amazing by the way I'm like so struck by
that then did it just come to you in a
Flash like I want to play the piano
again and was it because it playing the
piano contrasted so much with looking
through the stacks or they or they were
aligned no it just it just those for me
that was exploration
it was exploration it was all new
information and I found that I could
Master more than the field that I was
trained in let me give you one other
experience is that is a lot of evidence
to show the AHA experience is right
brain also so there are times when
literally insights will come quickly and
suddenly and they'll seem to come out of
nowhere and all of a sudden the Muse is
there so that was an aha experience and
when I thought about it it just made all
kinds of sense I mean there was a
purpose to it because again I I needed
to get past um doing that let me tell
you something else that I decided to do
very early on as I was setting off into
this 10year period I decided never to
memorize
anything tell me more it's a lot of
effort that gets nowhere literally what
I wanted to do as I wanted to understand
it in the way that I could understand
it so there's a lot of ways wasted time
in memorization and that being the case
as you can imagine I have a rather
enormous memory I know where things are
I know where they are I know how to get
them I know what's important and I know
how to put it into a place where I can
get I know where that article is and
incidentally when I'm
working initial originally I would write
everything down and the writing had an
effect of putting that more into my
memory even now when I'm studying I'll
take papers
I'll Xerox them and I'll read them at my
desk I will not read and study right off
the computer in other words I was
learning my own technique of
learning so important I often get asked
you know what's your note taking process
how do you prepare a solo EP I do these
long solos that you know I have only a
few pages of notes but I could describe
it but the process is so specific to the
way that I learn across the whatever 6 8
10 weeks that it takes me to prepare for
one of those sometimes more that um it
wouldn't really translate like it
doesn't matter no yeah but there's but
there's a process of int introspection
there about literally how do I learn and
you know and how can I how can I
literally absorb the information so that
it goes in deep the left hemisphere
essentially is a Surface hemisphere the
right hemisphere is the one of depth so
to speak and what goes into the right
for example if you have an experience an
emotional experience that's really
important that goes deep into your
autobiographical memory that's much
deeper than you're attempting to to
memorize something you know at that
point in at any point in time given the
extreme importance of this right brain
circuitry and of this um autonomic um
synchrony between mother and typically
mother primary caretaker that is and
infant what are some things that are
known from the literature as critically
important about that stage in terms of
um you know amount of time spent with uh
the child um you know often times
parents are working they are nannies or
any number of different things there are
a lot of different structures nowadays
for families and balancing work and
family but is there anything known about
how to I hate to use the word optimize
but maximize the health of the
relationship yeah I don't think that
this culture compared to other cultures
really provides for that kind of time I
think that people are
stressed uh because of that and now I'm
going to talk about maternal leave and
paternal leave in other rich
countries um um the paternal leave is
three months and uh maternal leave is 6
months or more in Scandinavia so uh
these other countries have figured out
this time of life is critical that if
you really want to affect a personality
and help shape that personality to be a
moral person or you know to have values
Etc the time literally that to put in is
the earliest years that's when it's
there so to speak and without that kind
of leave policy in this country most
people go back to work at six
weeks six weeks is at the beginning of
the critical period of the right brain
the autonomic nervous system is in a
critical period at 6 to 8 weeks the
amygdala is coming into a critical
period the basil lateral amydala the
insula and the singular are in a
critical period at that point in time
this is before the child has formed an
attachment and as or a separation so I
see this as literally and um as I'm well
aware of there's now talking about this
more and more in fact the recent debate
there was discussion of this uh also
about this this problem the London
School of Economics had a a study about
what is the best predictor the best
childhood predictor of adult
satisfaction in life and the best
predictor was emotion and the second was
the child's conduct and the third and
last was the child's IQ we have things
upside down here we are focusing too
much on Executive of functions that come
online at the third year and again what
I'm suggesting to you is that the whole
foundations of our personality are
starting in Udo through the second and
the third year and then you know with
the father Etc that's where we literally
should be putting the money and the
money should be there so that it
provides the time every other culture
has figured this out the uh UNICEF took
a poll in
2021 of 36 countries rich countries we
came in last in emotional well-being
childhood
well-being
shame it is a shame uh what's wonderful
however is that you're highlighting
these issues um so many people are
hearing about this and um you know I
encourage anyone everyone listening to
really take in The Ordering of uh
importance of of what Dr Shore just
shared that IQ third on the list emotion
regulation um number one conduct conduct
yeah so the the idea that we need to
train our kids up as little memorizing
computers um is the clearly the wrong
idea clearly there's important
information that needs to be committed
to memory to be a functional human being
but that we're missing not just critical
knowledge transfer but critical
emotional transfer yeah and for that
reason and for so many other reasons I
really want to thank you for coming in
today and having this
conversation it's unlike any
conversation I've had on this podcast it
for several reasons not the least of
which is that you have this incredible
knowledge of the neurobiology which for
me is a delight and I'm sure for the
listeners too but also the clinical
experience which is so rich and it's
clear you've also uh done your own work
and exploring these ideas and and you've
been here for for and participated in
the evolution of this whole right brain
left brain thing you know the Advent of
neuroimaging and how that's really shed
new light and I just love love love the
way that you uh you braid all this
together in terms of actionable things
with patient and therapist but also just
in terms of one's understanding of self
I I'm certain people are going to take
this knowledge um into their lives and
into the world and it's been really
enriching for me and I'm certain it's
going to be immensely enriching for them
so thank you for the work you do than
thank you for taking the time to come
here today and I'm excited about your
new book so keep us informed as to when
that comes out maybe we'll have you back
on for another discussion if you're
willing and just um you know just thank
you so much for entering this this uh
left brain right brain dance and dynamic
it's been thoroughly enjoyful absolute
pleasure for me too Andrew absolute
pleasure thank you thank you thank you
for joining me for today's discussion
with Dr Alan Shaw to learn more about
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